Aviguel is my sponsored child. But I don't think of her as someone that lives "across the globe" who needs my help. When I think of Avi I think of a friend in need, a good friend that I care for that I've realized could probably use some of my prayer, time and care.

I've been babysitting a lot for our neighbors recently, occasionally for some other little ones, and helping out with chores around our house. Everywhere I go I hear about the problems of the world, and what "you" can do to help. I always thought it'd be fun to have a pen pal. After thinking about it for a while, I decided that I had what it takes to become a sponsor. And really, it's not all that much. Paying $32 a month, praying and writing letters every so often, is all it takes to be a child's sponsor. (Actually, my parents pay for half of Avi's monthly fees.)

I always look forward to hearing from her, and having the chance to write her back. And though it takes a little extra work to make sure that I get my $16 payed off each month, it is sooo worth it. I get the joy of knowing that I'm helping someone, while I get the chance to meet a new BFF- (really, you sponsor them 'till their at least 18.)

I used to want to see how much money I could earn for myself, how many video games I could get. All the normal stuff. Now, my goal in life has changed; I really hope that someday, I will get the chance to meet Aviguel in her own home, and that I get to tell her how much I love her, and God loves her, in person.

Last week the four "regulars" were gathered and we were having a conversation about work. We discussed what it would be like for some of us to go back to work (read: 3 of us have been stay at home mommies for quite a while). One of my friends said, "I don't want a job." To which I promptly replied, without even thinking, "I don't want a job either!"

Then my brain kicked in...Umm, Michelle....you have a job. You just GOT a job. Remember, Children's Pastor, 30 hours per week, life-changing, J O B. ooops, that was embarassing.

And then I thought a bit more. I realized something very very cool had just occurred. I don't just have a J O B. I have a life changing, life giving, sometimes difficult, always a blessing, ministry. I do get paid, I do have to work 30 hours, I do have to manage my time, I do have to be accountable to a Team and a Congregation. But it is not just a job. I don't want a job. But I do want this. I thank God everyday that this is my life. I have the God of the Universe who loves me, accepts me, forgives me, and is ever so patient with me, he blessed me with a wonderful family, good friends, a healthy body, a beautiful shelter, and yes, my job.

I know not many people can say this about their paid position and/or their life. In these times, people are just lucky to have work at all. Families are crumbling, marriages struggling. I humbly acknowledge that this time in my life is one of great provision. My "bucket" wasn't always this full. I pray that God will help me keep gratefulness, compassion, and humility foremost in my thoughts each day. I pray that His Spirit will help empower me to lead others to find joy, satisfaction, and ministry in His Name.

During open worship I was thinking about this:

Last Saturday our family piled into our minivan with LOTS of luggage and started the treacherous drive out to the Portland airport to board a plane bound for Seattle and then Bozeman, MT. It was our year to find a White Christmas, so we were headed to Yellowstone. However, the Portland area had already experience a good amount of snow and ice (and would get DUMPED on while we were gone). We chose to go the 205 north route and topped out our speed at 35mph.

I had just received a text message from Sarah wishing me a Merry Christmas when Alan said, "oh no, oh no!" I looked up to see the truck ahead of us, in the left hand lane, spin out of control, slip UP the median embankment, continue sliding and turning, and eventually disappear on the other side of 205-facing traffic head on. It was a moment that felt as if we were characters in slow-motion. I could feel my gut ache and hear myself tell Alan to be careful. I was afraid he might panic just a bit and we too would go spinning on the freeway.

Alan had me call 911. I did, and I have no idea what happened to those people driving in that truck. 911 operators don't usually give "updates." So I've been pondering for over a week now what happened after the truck slid out of view. Did they regain control and just go driving down 205 south as if nothing happened? Or perhaps there was a fatal accident, a multi-car crash? I don't think I'll ever know.

Many times, on this trip, and on countless others I've prayed with my children for God's protection and safety. And just as many times we've thanked Him for providing that safety and getting us to our destination in His protection and love.

But yesterday's message got me thinking about how God loves All. He loves me and my family just as much as He loves the family that went careening over the embankment. And our safety does not equate with how much God loves each one of us. Christianity is not a safety net or bubble here on earth. Whether it be a car crash or cancer, His protection is more than just being without accidents or ailments. The reality is that God truly loves all, no matter how safe we do or don't feel sometimes. I pray I'll be able to articulate this to my children and that each of you who reads this finds God's love to be a tangible undeniable force even when you feel you're sliding out of control. He loves you.

The journey was the most beautiful thing I've been through (except for giving birth) and at NO time in my life have I ever felt more RIGHT about something than I do about this ministry. Even as a new mom-there were days when I thought, " I'm sooo not qualified to be a parent, this is too hard, or I'm exhausted-how do I escape?!" (For those of you cringing that I'm not including my wedding day - don't worry, I know Alan and I would both agree that our everyday life together now, is by far superior to that September day back in 1995.) But so far-and yes, I get that it's only day 11, I feel I'm right where I'm supposed to be.

I am NOT writing this note as a way to get more "you'll be great" or "congratulations" comments-but to humbly say, THANK YOU to all of you who supported me through prayer, advice, hugs, and more prayer. 

My prayer for all of you, is that you find yourself in that "sweet spot" -whether that might be in your role as a stay-at-home mom, full time working husband or wife, in volunteer ministry, participating in your favorite sport, working a side job that you love, etc. To be able to pair your God-given gifts with something that you love is such a blessing. To find support and affirmation from God and those around you-oh, what joy. 

Today at Women's Bible Fellowship-Beth Moore said that you receive Salvation but you must seek out Satisfaction. So many times in my life I have felt dissatisfied, even after believing in Jesus as my Savior. Her message hit home with me in that each day we have to ask the for a re-filling of the Holy Spirit. I have believed and lived that for the last 5 years or so. I feel like this new job is God's way of showing me He not only wants to Save me but also to Satisfy me. I know that each day I work in ministry is the opportunity to either drain myself or to live out of a cup that "runneth over" by asking for the Holy Spirit to work through me. I pray that when the schedule gets busy, the volunteers don't sign up, I feel the need to be at home and at work in the same moment, and my ideas don't work out like they are "supposed to," that I'll be able to get down on my knees and know that I'm still right where I'm supposed to be-in prayer and thanksgiving for His wisdom, His Grace, and His Love.

Peaceful: If Peace is like a river, than I have found myself feeling like that river water being channeled where ever God leads.  He's the banks of the river and my job is just to stay contained within those boundaries.  Peace is active and moving.  The river is sometimes quite still and at other times it is rushing rapids.  Where ever God directs-I'll go.

Excitement: Not nervousness or anxiety-but true excitement wondering what's next (perhaps around that next bend in the river). There is excitement as I look forward to my world changing, and how God will guide me to meet the challenges ahead. I feel energy rushing through me as I try to describe to others and represent well the changes God has made in my life and what He has done through me.

I'd love to hear what words you'd use to describe your own life at this point.  

Check out the fairly short thread.

From almost the minute the candidates started talking I felt like weeping. The intensity of their emotion, the physical, mental and political scrutiny both Obama and McCain have undergone is overwhelming. I don't know how they do it.  How do you day after day keep up the travel, family life, interviews, lack of sleep, speeches, debates, etc? I am incredibly humbled by their service and dedication. Both men show a deep love for the United States of America.  Both men believe they have "the right plan."  Both men are willing to go through this unbelievable, privacy busting, soul-bearing process in the hopes that they can take on the hardest job in the world. That to me is reason enough to look at both candidates with admiration and respect.  I was feeling exhausted just watching them take on one another's policies, records, and positions.  

The other reason why I got choked up is that I am so conflicted as to who to vote for.  One says something I like, the other contests it, and then I feel the other one is right.  If there was ever a "flip-flopper" on the issues...it's ME. I do have to be honest and say that despite my fears about Obama-his demeanor, and his answers to the major questions of health care, energy, and foreign policy spoke more closely to my beliefs than McCain.  And as much as I wanted to like McCain because he stands for some very core beliefs that I hold, I am so frustrated by his pick of Sarah Palin as VP that it makes me want to scream, "Why did you do that?"  

A few weeks ago Rick Warren talked with both candidates.  The question that grabbed my attention the most was one in which Warren asked, "Does evil exist, and if it does, do we ignore it, do we negotiate with it, do we contain it or do we defeat it." Essentially McCain said that we are to defeat it, while Obama said we should confront it, but that we must be careful that while confronting it, that we ourselves do not inflict evil.  For me, these two very distinct answers were the most defining of the campaign.  McCain says we should defeat evil.  Sorry, buddy, but I believe evil will always exist and we cannot go around trying to lop off it's ugly head where ever it pops up. Only GOD will be able to ultimately defeat evil.  I have to agree with Obama that we are to fight evil-but we should know our limits and find other ways besides fighting to promote peace and prosperity.

One more frustration with the Republican ticket is this: McCain and Palin need to stop using the phrases "maverick, reaching across the aisle, and reform." Do they think we haven't heard them the first 2000 times they have said those same tired old words.  What candidate would EVER say they only will work with their own party, that they want things to just stay the same as always and that they are definitely not going to try to get things done.  In basic grade school english, this whole thing is a, "no Duh."  In last night's debate McCain said that, "sometimes I'm not very popular with either party."  Ok, so if you are so unpopular-how do you get the backing to get anything done.  If I'm going around making everyone upset with me, I will have no power. Being in leadership shouldn't be all about a popularity contest...but you do have to have a certain amount of likeablity, respect and admiration from those you work with. Instead of constantly telling us how much he "goes against" his own party and is a "maverick" I want a leader that says, "People in both parties like me, agree with me, trust my judgement and when I work with them, we get things done for you, the American people."

Quite frankly, I just don't see it that way. 

Deciding to ask Amalija to come live with us was MUTUALLY beneficial.  We knew we wanted to extend our home to some one (whom ever God had in mind) and that Amalija would introduce us to another culture.  Not only has she broadened our world view, but she also does very mundane and helpful things like cleaning kitchens and bathrooms!

Now that she's been here for over a year, when I reflect on what having her with us is like on a daily basis-it is simply this:  I get to live with one of my best friends.   In this context, it doesn't feel like she's "lucky" to have us, it is just a fact that she is part of our family now and I relate to her more as a friend, sister or cousin, rather that a "host." 

We are the lucky ones. I thank God for bringing her here, for keeping her here, and for the gift of friendship. 

I've discovered in these 6 years that being whole does not exclude this irony: I still have lots of "parts" of me. I'm not a Christian robot who only likes one type of music or always does the "right" thing-whatever that means.  I'm still drawing boundaries and listening to what Christ would have me do in my everyday walking around life.  I wonder sometimes is it sin to still enjoy dancing like a maniac to "Livin' la Vida Loca" or watching movies like the "American President" where the story line includes pre-marital sex.

I also love baking bread and scones and reading about the old west, pioneers, and oh how I desire some day to actually follow the Oregon Trail. I often joke that I'm a pioneer - but the fact is that I'm scared to walk around a forest campground for fear of cougars and bears.  Once I saw a deer in the dark at Twin Rocks and I nearly jumped out of my skin! 

I could go on and on about the relationship between whole and being a woman of many interests, but for now I'll just leave you with this prayer :

God thank you for creating me to be in relationship with you.  This relationship is ever growing and ever changing.  You created me to depend on you, and when I do, I experience life in a way that is rich with adventure, heartache, and joy. God in You I don't ever have to be afraid of who I am or who I am not. My life came from you, should be lived for you, and will continue with your for eternity. I thank you that eternity is plenty of time to explore and discover all of me.

Jolee starts out brushing the mini horse Cheval and cleaning a hoof. Then, it's time for the lunge line. A little break from pony-time when she gets to ride, Peewee, which is one of the bigger horses.

After that, we work with the pony in the harness and reigns for the cart, and, finally, getting to ride with Makayla in the cart.

The day is finished up with all the girls washing Cherokee.

The fast for me was a fast from comfort.  I ran every morning (almost), refrained from coffee and alcohol (completely), and didn't eat after 7pm (every day except for 2 or 3 times).  All in all it was a VERY successful fast. I was filled with more energy than I have been in a long time, I learned that I wouldn't "starve" if I didn't have a 10pm snack, and I actually came to enjoy my morning run.  The fast taught me that my bits of "comforts" or "crutches" actually were daily detriments to my health and well being.  When I followed through with what God wanted me to do, I was amazed at the life flowing through my veins (not caffeine). 

So often I refused to exercise for lack of energy, motivation or time.  Those were my excuses.  I ate or drank out of habit under the guise of "me time."  Handing those things over to God and letting Him be in control of my habits didn't completely take away the cravings, nor did it free up my time to devote to Him.  But I was able to focus on the plain and simple fact that those things I wanted to eat and drink are totally, utterly unnecessary.  

Obeying God is totally, completely necessary for a full, energized, righteous life.  When I let God be in control of my "comfort level" during the fast, He never let me down.  At times I was tempted or a bit sad that I couldn't join in - but that feeling was temporary. Knowing that I was obeying the "rules" that God had placed on my heart has eternal value. 

Another component to the NFC fast was supposed to be the ability to "Stop, Look, and Listen."  This slowing down was all but impossible for me to do in the midst of gearing up and going to Girls Camp.  But the last few weeks...trust me, I've sllllloooowed way down. I now have the time to relax and unwind.  I'm loving every minute of a very open schedule with time to read, play, and rest. In this "Fast after the Fast" I've been enjoying a few non-essential beverages, sleeping in instead of early morning runs, and occasional late night snacks.  But they have lost their grip.  They have lost their power as "necessary" comforts.  And I find myself more grateful to the One who holds me in the palm of His hand and gives me life.  A life I will live for Him.

1. We had the most amazing group of counselors this year. Every single one of them we'd ask back in a heartbeat and we loved how focused they were on the campers.  Truly the biggest blessing of camp was the maturity level that these ladies possessed and it made a huge impact on how smoothly the week went for everyone.  I can't thank them enough for the gift of service and love that these women bestowed upon Girls Camp.

2. Our staff rocked.  The programming that these women put together was top notch.  Outdoor class with Carrie and Colleen was so great-the kids did everything from looking at lake water under a microscope to limboing at a Beach Party. Lana and Delaney-what great helpers you were too!  Crafts were fantastic (wooden birdFEEDERS and a storymat) and blessings to Christy and Mindy for putting up with endless hammering and gluing-headache anyone! Recreation really brought the crowd to their feet, literally. The dance to "Freeedom Freeedom" made every girl smile and dance and scream-It was the highlight of my camp experience this year.  Each one of these teams (Outdoor, Craft and Recreation) brought the message of Freedom in Christ to life and it was a joy to work with them throughout the year in planning and then so much fun to sit back and see the fruits of their labor-A LOT of Labor (one lost GPS) and endless amounts of love -Thank You!

3. Being Lecia's co-Director, this is a true gift.  I am so honored to be her friend. I am in awe of her talents, patience, prayer, honesty, and faithfulness.

4. At Girls Camp I am surrounded by an web of people who support me and teach me and inspire me. My deepest thanks to: Deann, Sandra, Miriam, Jeanne, Bev, Joseph, Stephanie, Ken, Tamara, Lisa, and, Dennis (oh, I'm sooo sorry for bugging you about my "dead" computer!).

5. Sarah brought to life the Word and gave the girls a special word, "Ezer" to hold onto. Thank you Sarah for being a powerful, life-giving, affirming, loving helper to EVERYONE at Girls Camp. Christ has set us free to live a free life-and I'm so grateful He brought you into the lives of each living soul at camp.

6. Krissi your pictures were beautiful-thank you for sharing your God-given gift with us at camp.  The slide shows were great with the mix of stills and video, you truly captured camp on "film."  

7. Every night when all was quiet, I walked up to my little mini retreat- called Osprey and just delighted in the beauty of my room and of Twin Rocks.  Warm showers at midnight...heaven.

8. Seeing Brynn love Amber so much - Amber, thank you for making Brynn's last year at camp-as a girls camper-so meaningful and fun.  To see my daughter have such a wonderful role model is the best gift you can give a mother.  

9. On the last night of camp, one of the campers was homesick for her mom. To make this story as simple as possible, after talking with her she and I raced back across the athletic field so she could rejoin her cabin group in the tents-she was smiling and laughing. This kind of interaction with girls is probably the most rewarding thing about camp. To be able to speak truth and love into a girl's heart and see her respond by going from tears to giggles-this is the reason I know God wants me at camp.  This is the reason why I spend endless hours in preparation for camp-because in the end, it all comes down to sitting on the back of my van with a camper and reassuring her of HIS love.  Thank you Jesus.  Let Freedom Reign.