A Little Bit Country, A Little Bit Rock n' Roll (or 80's and 90's Dance Hits)

Looking back at age 30 (I just turned 36 last weekend) I wonder what I was so afraid of.  Growing Up?  Being Me? God has confirmed without a shadow of a doubt that growing up and becoming who He created me to be is the best gift I've ever received.  Within that gift I've become wholly one.  Not a divided self that is in constant turmoil between "my plan" and His.  Getting here was no easy task.  And to those who think forgiveness (of others and of yourself) is a "once and done" kind of thing-sorry you're in for a process that is sometimes a spiritual and emotional battle. 

I've discovered in these 6 years that being whole does not exclude this irony: I still have lots of "parts" of me. I'm not a Christian robot who only likes one type of music or always does the "right" thing-whatever that means.  I'm still drawing boundaries and listening to what Christ would have me do in my everyday walking around life.  I wonder sometimes is it sin to still enjoy dancing like a maniac to "Livin' la Vida Loca" or watching movies like the "American President" where the story line includes pre-marital sex.

I also love baking bread and scones and reading about the old west, pioneers, and oh how I desire some day to actually follow the Oregon Trail. I often joke that I'm a pioneer - but the fact is that I'm scared to walk around a forest campground for fear of cougars and bears.  Once I saw a deer in the dark at Twin Rocks and I nearly jumped out of my skin! 

I could go on and on about the relationship between whole and being a woman of many interests, but for now I'll just leave you with this prayer :

God thank you for creating me to be in relationship with you.  This relationship is ever growing and ever changing.  You created me to depend on you, and when I do, I experience life in a way that is rich with adventure, heartache, and joy. God in You I don't ever have to be afraid of who I am or who I am not. My life came from you, should be lived for you, and will continue with your for eternity. I thank you that eternity is plenty of time to explore and discover all of me.