family

(This blog entry is partly about Alan playing around with HD video sharing. The video below isn't HD, but this version is.)

Jolee starts out brushing the mini horse Cheval and cleaning a hoof. Then, it's time for the lunge line. A little break from pony-time when she gets to ride, Peewee, which is one of the bigger horses.

After that, we work with the pony in the harness and reigns for the cart, and, finally, getting to ride with Makayla in the cart.

The day is finished up with all the girls washing Cherokee.

Just a note to say that I am in a bit of shock that tomorrow at noon marks the final moment of elementary school for my oldest daughter. My big girl is getting bigger by the second.  It's a happy feeling, and yet almost unreal that in less than 24 hours she's officially a Middle Schooler. Brynn has had a very successful school career so far-and I expect much of the same in the coming 7 years.  Yep-in 7 years she'll be graduated and off to college.  I'll be 42 years young.  tick tick tick.

A few moments in time have captured my heart recently-

Last Sunday we were attending a fundraiser for Young Lives at Chapters.  Lia and her sister Moriah were with us that evening.  The original plan was for the kids to play at church in childcare while the adults mingled at Chapters.  But Lia was complaining of a tummy ache so Alan went back over to the church to retrieve her.  I saw him walking down the street with Lia on his shoulders - and then while the rest of the adults listened to the presentation, Alan found a cozy couch in the children's section and read book after book to Lia.  It seemed to magically make her tummy ache disappear. I've always known that Alan is an awesome dad to his own two daughters, but in those moments to see him with Lia-wow, I was once again reminded of what a precious man I married. One of the reasons I love Alan so deeply is his tender care for children...all children.

Outside Boy is back!  When Alan decides to do something he does it.  Lately our yard has been the beneficiary of some much needed sprucing up. Creating a garden, replanting trees, and bringing new flowers and shrubs into the yard has been keeping him busy these days. The other night he rolled a HUGE boulder to a new part of the yard-just where I wanted it. Seeing him put so much effort into every bit of what he does makes me realize how glad I am that he is Outside Boy and I'm Indoor Girl. 

Friday night Alan and I attended our first Square Dance together.  We both had the jitters -  it was nerve wracking being the 'newbies" on the dance floor.  We laughed our way through about 2 hours dance before my feet couldn't take another step. We've found something totally out of our normal everyday life to enjoy together.  Looking at each other across the Square makes me smile. I think it makes God smile too.

Motherhood is tricky.  It's strange and oh so very full of twists and turns.  This week I have: avoided be thrown up on - twice, been bombarded by the foul smell eminating from my younger child's behind (it is the newest craze around here to make a stinky toot), found myself taking away MY Mother's Day gift from Brynn's greedy little hands that Brynn won for me by winning a Mother's Day writing contest at her orthodontist, and pondered whether or not it was really a good idea that I went to the grocery store to buy Jolee a doughnut mostly because I knew it would upset daughter #1.  

Thanks AJ for saying "I win" but .... I don't think so :) 

In my last installment I explained how Jolee was wanting more "mommy time."  Well, she got it. 

Sunday morning Jolee crawled in my bed, as she is in the habit of doing.  (Sometimes I wake up, sometimes I don't.) But this day I felt little eyes staring at me and woke up to see Jolee peering down and ready to retch.  If you know me, you know I'm NOT a morning person.  But the sight of my seven year old hovering over my face ready to throw up was enough of a jolt to start my day with a, "GO Jolee, GO to the bathroom, NOW!!"  It's amazing how fast your brain can work when properly motivated.

Monday morning was much the same.  She crawled in bed, this time snuggling for a bit before taking a big drink of water from the water bottle on my bedside table.  Then, she assumed the position: her face over mine, gagging noises, and eminant retching in the next few moments unavoidable.  Again I was fully awake in .2 seconds yelling, "Go Jolee Go!  Go to the bathroom!"

So Jolee stayed home for those two days. More "mommy time" ... yes.

This morning, she crawled in my bed. We snuggled. No gagging, no throwing up. She went to school.   

Lately, I've been gone... a lot.  Outdoor School-with Brynn, Girl Scout Camp-with Brynn, Scrapbooking Weekend with friends, and now this weekend I'm going to the beach, again.

Thursday, Friday, and Saturday, Brynn and I are going on a Mother/Daughter get-away.

Jolee is easy-going and happy.  She usually just rolls with whatever is happening.  I hardly ever worry about her.  

Last night as I was tucking Jolee in bed she said, "Mommy, we need to spend some more time together.  I hardly ever get to be just with you."

My heart broke.  So often I plan things with Brynn, I do special things just with her, I take my time and spend my energy in ministries and activities that she's involved in.  She's my daughter that craves extra attention. My squeaky wheel.  

But then there is Jolee. My happy little companion for the first 5 1/2 years of her life- then she had to go to First Grade-and I missed her.  I never really knew until last night, that she missed me too.

Dear God, Thank you for two amazing daughters.  Thank you for their distinct personalities, their strengths, their talents, and their hearts. Lord, please help me know how to be the best mommy I can be to Brynn and to Jolee.  Holy Spirit, give me time, energy and insight. Jesus, perfect friend, please help me to be the companion to both of my children-whether they squeak or not.  Amen.

Go Round and Round.  I'm thinking about kids, the circle of life, and of course this song from the toddler years comes zooming into my head.  

Brynn just spent a full day babysitting.  She watched Nolan, she watched him so well, that when his mommy came to take him home, Nolan shrugged her off and snuggled into Brynn.  That's a very good sign!

How can it be that just 11 years ago I gave birth to a baby girl and loved every tiny piece of her?  I loved her smallness, her newness, her innocence, and her total dependance on us.  And now, I am sitting here, feeling very much like that same woman, yet my life, my family, and my "baby girl" are all radically different.  How does God DO that? It's truly a miracle.  I sometimes feel like I waste my days.  Doing laundry, wishing the kids would just play more quietly, scrubbing grubby hand marks off the walls.  And in the midst of that - God is changing my children....and me.

Many days I think my mommy friends feel they are just going "round and round."  But I know, we're on really on a "bus" and God is definitely taking us somewhere.  Enjoy the ride. 

If your spouse gets up early to make muffins for friends, and you happen to notice that the batter looks exactly like a nasty diaper you changed the evening prior at Young Lives, you should probably just keep that thought to yourself.

And!... If you add a hyperbole that it even smells like the nasty diaper? ... Well, that is a really, really Bad Thing to Say. For some of you, this may fall under the classification of Common Sense. Too bad it didn't for me.

I think I'm feeling a little depressed tonight. Perhaps it's actually post partum depression, or some strange male non-birth variant of it. You see, Michelle volunteered us for doing a week of full-time child care for our good friends while they attended a wedding in New Zealand. Their children are 6yrs and 7mo. Now, I'm pretty used to child and baby care in general. I tried to be a pretty hands-on Dad, starting with infancy. I've never had a problem holding, soothing, and playing with infants and children of lots of ages. I've done the MOPS nursery for four years, which is as long as I worked at Cinnabon, BTW. For kids a little older, I was a Kid's Club leader. And now I'm teaching 2nd grade Sunday school, which still makes me do a mental double-take when I think about that.

So, for the past week I've had four young girls in the house, along with Amalija and Michelle. (For a little bonding, I do still have Toby, the 60lb black lab. He is a great friend, but only partially qualifies for maleness. Frankly, he's always even peed like a girl. Poor guy.) But all the feminity didn't bother me. That's not it.

I got to spend a good deal of time with the baby, and that is why I'm a little mopey right now. She started out not really wanting me near her last Monday, but that changed during the week. And this afternoon, I had to give her back in the middle of an hour-long nap, sleeping on my chest. For all the fussing and crying they do, it's all drowned out by the whispers of sleepy, shallow breathing, and the smell of a head that only a baby's head can smell like.

I'm going to miss having that little baby around full-time, but at least she's only right next door. I think I will get a little more sleep each night. And that's a good thing.

This week Jolee got to bring home the poster from school that you fill out "All about You."  On the section where it says, "I am special because..." Jolee wrote in, "I have a sister."  The love fest continued and the two of them worked all evening on coloring the poster, Brynn helping Jolee correctly spell the word "President"- as in, "When I Grow up I want to be The President," (Jolee for President, well, hmmm, we'd be a happy country.) and filling in the rest of the information.  I was only allowed to print pictures off the computer of Jolee, Brynn, Jolee with Amalija, Jolee with Horses, and Cinnamon Life.  

Sometimes I wonder how much Jolee needs a mother, when she has Brynn by her side.  I say this with a smile.